One of the greatest obstacles to overcome when someone struggles with perfectionism is being vulnerable. We are so worried that someone will use our weaknesses against us or not love us because of them. I speak from experience on this subject.
It has taken me years to learn that the root of perfectionism is really a fear of not being accepted, of not being enough, good enough. Those words, “good enough”, are a broad term and can be applied to a variety of relationships, jobs or job titles, thoughts of self-worth, a God-given calling, etc. If you will, allow me to paraphrase the dictionary’s definition for the words “good enough”: ‘a favorable tendency, or suitable to fully meet demands, needs or expectations’.
I’m not a woman who typically makes wagers but if I was to place a bet, I’d say that the majority of women I know have struggled with feelings of being good enough, feelings that question being suitable to fully meet all of the demands, needs or expectations we have, some if not most being self-imposed, during at least one chapter of our lives.
Who did you think of? Yourself? Your sister? Your best friend? Maybe all three.
See, here’s a little truth bomb…the process creates progress not perfection.
Let that settle for just a minute.
As any real perfectionist will understand we typically don’t want or think the process is necessary. Our expectations of ourselves are to have it all figured out, solved, or fixed. After all, we have a standard of perfection. The ugly truth of a perfectionist is that we desperately want to be accepted but at our core believe it’s our performance, good or bad, that will drive acceptance or lack thereof. Are we being the perfect wife? Mother? Daughter? Sister? Friend?
Let me gently answer this for all of us. No, we are not.
Sweet sister, it’s not possible. No matter how hard we try to perform, figure it all out, or fix every situation, perfection will never be the outcome.
Perfectionism is overrated.
Perfectionism is unobtainable.
And quite frankly perfectionism is no fun! Who wants to have it all figured out and put off the perfection vibe all the time, for all people, where you feel like you can’t exhale or really be seen or known?
I’ll take another rare bet here and say NO ONE.
And because as a former perfectionist I know we like tangible things ‘to-do’, here are some takeaways for you or the perfectionist in your life, to help during the process as we work towards progress not perfection.
- Seek loving accountability from true and trustworthy relationships.
- Give yourself grace; giving grace to myself was harder than receiving it from someone else.
- Receive the truth that God’s Word is for you too, not just for everyone else.
- Trust that God knows your flaws and He wants you to stop striving for something He never intended you to.
Most importantly, seek Him and His truth. Soak in His truth about you (Ephesians 2:10), knowing that despite our struggles, His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23), give thanks that despite lessons we find harder to learn, He doesn’t give up on us (Philippians 1:6).
The personal growth I’ve had in this area is not perfect but it’s about the process and progress not perfection, right?!
Lord, thank you for your new mercies every morning and for continuing to work in my life despite my struggles. Thank you, Lord, for changing my heart away from desiring perfection. Help me continue to receive my acceptance from You as you stay with me thru the process. I praise you for the victories and progress in my life and for all that is yet to come. In the Name of Jesus. Amen.
This weeks playlist:
Known
Tauren Wells
The God I Know
Love & the Outcome
Perfect (original by Ed Sheeran)
Christian Version- Beckah Shae featuring Damien Horne
